Digital Common Sense

I haven’t posted much, but also haven’t actually declared myself on hiatus either. Maybe I should declare ongoing ennui.

I’m off to a security conference in DC next week. If anyone’s out that way and wants to grab dinner, drop a note or something. If you’ll be at the DHS conference in Herndon, do let me know.

Filed by Ken at 8:02 pm under Meandering
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Like everyone else, I’m playing with Googletalk a bit. Gmail address is kencamp@gmail.com if you want to give it a whirl.

Filed by Ken at 5:54 pm under Technology
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A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.

“Look!” she said. “I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me.”

For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale. Services will be at Downing funeral home on Monday the 12th, due to the condition of the body, this will be a closed casket service.

Please send your donations to the ‘Think before you say things to your wife foundation’, Dallas, Texas.

Filed by Ken at 8:49 pm under General
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Because random is really what I do best, here’s some randomness…

Posting here has been light and random of late. When I say of late, I really mean for the last several months. That said, the next couple of weeks will be light. I’m off to California for a high school reunion and to visit family. My focus is away from blogging and the net. And yes, I’ll have two laptops, a Blackberry and a cell phone with me. All quite capable of net stuff. But my focus will be elsewhere. You, my dear readers (all three of you), are important to me, but reality in the real world is more important. And all three of you know that already.

Ok, that was self deprecating, because I know there are actually more than three of you. I also know that those of you I exchange email, comments or conversation with know that real life is more important because you continually demonstrate your engagement with those more important real life things yourselves. For all of us, reality is more important that what happens online, although more and more I see folks I’ve read and talked to acting like the net is actually important.

Blogging. Tagging. A-list. Linking. The pecking order in the school yard. That’s how important it all is. All the blogging foofooraw is almost as important as being picked first for kickball on the playground back so many years ago. And it saddens me to see so many people I like and respect placing so much emphasis, or more importantly burning so many brain cells, over something so unimportant.

This realization has saddened me in a way that I can’t truly share here. Well, I can but I won’t. But I will explain. My blogroll over on the right side really represents two things. First and foremost, there’s my personal A-list…A for Affinity. Those are folks I feel some kinship with for a variety of reasons. Friends, co-workers, people I’ve developed a kinship with online. But I’ve been pretty involved in this blog crap since 2001 really. And I’ve seen people go from unknown strangers, to regular reads, to online friends of sorts to irrelevant, to annoying, to gone. My blogroll rarely openly denotes that. But I’ve noticed it personally as I weed people out of my RSS aggregator. That’s where it’s noticeable. Someone mentions Scoble and I realize I quit reading him a long time ago because regardless of what the noise says, he hasn’t said anything I found relevant in a long time. Noise for the sake of noise. I like Robert. I like him a lot when he blogs the human side of Robert. But that faded away and he became just another shrill voice shrieking the party line. Blogging isn’t hot. It isn’t a phenomena. Tags don’t matter. Microsoft is irrelevant (sorry Bill, but your big megalithic company is as irrelevant as AT&T was in 1998). Big companies, like elephants, just take a while to die.

Robert isn’t alone, and my singling him out wasn’t personal. There are a lot of what have been, over time, highly visible, highly respected folks that I’ve read. Many I’ve had personal conversations with. Some I know in person…yes, real life, who’ve become just irrelevant. And I know it will annoy some of you to read it, but get over the Cluetrain. The train derailed long ago. I’m sorry but folks, the trains has left the station. It’s long gone. It’s off the tracks. It’s history. And repeating the same shrill message years later is preaching to the choir. And some of us choir members are just sick of hearing the same sad tune, even if it’s some new convert who drank the koolaid singing. No I won’t name names, but how many of you have heard the same, offtimes shrill. voices, singing the same tune, repeating the same message, for just too damn long. Think stupid network. Think cluetrain. Think the market is the message. I’m sorry, but dammit, y’all gor boring as heck and haven’t said anything worth listening too for too damn long. Now if you say something interesting, I’ll have to hear it somewhere else because you’ve driven me to quit listening to your spouting the same crap day in and day out.

What pleases me far more, is the new encounters. Finding Tommi’s blog through the coincidental connection with Mary. Leaping from there on to Six More Months, where I read every day, but realize he hasn’t even made my blogroll here (shame on me…fixing that now). Learning today that a co-worker I respect greatly wandered the net and found my humble site here completely unknown to me was more exciting than inciting the /.-ers to link for me personally.

I’ve read a lot lately, too much, about men linking men (again…yawn), A-listers giving charity links to newcomers, ratings and rankings (rapings and pillaging?), ad nauseum. I don’t read your blogroll any more. I doubt you read mine. Where do I find new people to read? I wander comment links. Some of the people who read this draw comments in from far and wide sources. I look to see who read something on Shelley’s blog. I follow a link to a commenter’s blog. Then follow a comment to a link on their blog.

Think of the old six degrees of separation to Kevin Bacon game. Or Will Smith if you liked the movie. I find myself, in my spare reading time, trying to reach 4 to 6 degrees of separation away to find someone new. And there are lots of somone new-s out there.

Is there a reason for this? I’m not sure. The blog circle has become so inbred, so nepotistic, so closed that I find it terribly unappealing once I cross past my small affinity group circle. For me, when I read, I go looking for new and interesting. And the people who once were interesting (I started listing names, but respect drove me to backspace) are often boring now. I don’t take enough time to point to new voices, or link to them. To me, it’s becoming more important to interact with them. Comments, email, and sometimes blog posts, but the blogging bubble has burst. The next big thing in blogging will not be blogging. We have passed the apogee folks, but we’re not in orbit, and this time, what goes around isn’t coming back around.

We need to think about new things.

Filed by Ken at 7:29 pm under General
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In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (excepting Kansas, which she does not fancy).

Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

You should look up “revocation” in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such as ‘favour’ and ‘neighbour.’

Likewise, you will learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the letters, and the suffix ize will be replaced by the suffix ise.

Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up vocabulary).

Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as “like” and “you know” is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter ‘u’ and the elimination of -ize. You will relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen.

July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you’re not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you’re not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you’re not grown up enough to handle a gun. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline)-roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.

You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one’s ears removed with a cheese grater.

You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.

You must tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us mad.

An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

Thank you for your co-operation.

Filed by Ken at 8:26 pm under General
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Filed by Ken at 8:17 pm under General, InfoSec
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It’s made the rounds before, but received in email again today -

The Guys’ Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys’ side of the story.

We always hear” the rules” from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note… these are all numbered “1″ ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.! And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after7 days.

1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don ‘t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher! Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine…Really.

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster t rucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

If this didn’t make you laugh or offended you in any way…get a puppy or something and quit taking life so seriously.

Filed by Ken at 2:05 pm under General
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I remember the days
of just keeping time
of hanging around in sleepy towns, forever
back roads empty for miles

So you can rev her up
don’t go slow
It’s only green lights and alrights
lets go together with a wink and a smile

Just a song playing in my head as I ponder back roads empty for miles….

Filed by Ken at 10:56 am under General
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